This testimony was found on Reddit. It tells how it was forced to attend Spring Creek Lodge in Montana and Tranquility Bay in Jamaica. At both schools there was deaths. Suicides as result of the inhumane treatment. Both places are closed today but none of the employees were ever prosecuted.
I would like to start form here, where I am now and sort of work my way back 17 years. A lot has changed, I’m 32, about to be 33 and the trauma from TB and SCL have lingered with me no matter how hard I tried to forget. As I’m older now, I feel an overwhelming sense of empathy. It’s kind of uncomfortable really, my barrier building is still very weak. I do try and find time to practice but it seems things keep getting through to me and affecting me pretty intensely. I’ve just now been learning to practice this meditation. I’ve been learning a lot from the world, I’ve almost died twice this year.
As for how I’m feeling about it all looking back, well I’m still feeling robbed of life I won’t ever get back. I’m not sure why but there has become an immense amount of death around me. People close to me, my friends, their animals, just all around saddening things. I’m not sure I enjoy my empathic abilities, I’m glad I have them from time to time, as it helps me to find a bit of understanding in the chaos of the world. I have become hypersensitive, and these last couple of months have been incredibly intense for me. Sometimes when I forget to shield myself, and I’m in the middle of just doing something basic routine, and a roommate will come through who is experiencing anxiety, I will get overwhelmed by it.
I moved to the Bay Area recently, and seems I’ve done myself in yet again. Nice and proper this time...
This is my pattern since I left TB. Relationships tend to be focused more on the partner than myself, I tend to take it very personally when energy changes around me or maybe even due to me? I’m not too sure where I’m going with this.
I left TB August 03’, graduated HS in Richland Wa, a Bomber, go figure. I had been locked away since I was 15 years old. Now about to be 18 in 2004! My parents decided to pull me finally after three years of being in so much brainwashing. My mom didn’t want to rob me of childhood, well a little late I guess, but better late than never! So I was immersed back into American society. No counseling, no transition time really, I started school September 03. My coping mechanisms were not so great. I fell into drugs and rockstar lifestyle pretty directly. I toured w bands, became a sound engineer, got to see the US twice, it was amazing! But the downfall was that it was leading me to worse health I wouldn’t know until years later.
Before I went to TB, I was at SCL, In Montana. That was the first time I felt this sadness and anger like never before. When they kidnapped me in front of my parents, hauled me away and locked me up. That place was trauma central, I apparently had such a bad time there, TB was like paradise! I didn’t have any trouble there. But I was constantly accused, humiliated, and treated as less than human bc they thought I was a lesbian bc my hair was cut super short. Well I had pretty outrageous styles so I guess that’s what happens, it confuses the backwoods type.
I very much am not a lesbian, I just dress comfortably as much as I can. There was once when I was forced to wear a big ugly Moomoo like dress, because they didn’t think I was feminine enough... who the fuck says that to someone? The constant lies, random wake up calls for the staff amusement I presumed, it all started to wear on me. I was there when 9/11 went down, they showed us on repeat the planes going into the buildings. Luckily my mom called, she was safe, as she was traveling in that area at that time. So then my weight became an issue. I had gone in 120lbs and left to TB at 167lbs. That’s over 50lbs I gained. We had PE, but it was weak, and we ate right after. So that’s probably why we all gained so much. The poor boys had to workout after they ate, most of them lost weight. So none of this helped me feel any better, and finally once I was tricked into admitting something I didn’t do, that’s when TB came up. I was confused af by all this. Next thing I know I’m in TB. But only after meeting Shannon Levy. Shannon has just arrived at SCL-A as it was now an “Academy” She came in from Tb and told me what happened to her. Well she had her jaw broken, it’s affecting her to date. She told me about Valerie, the abuse, the screaming all night from the OP room, (Observational placement) where The kids who wouldn’t chill out would end up on their faces for hours, being restrained if they moved from their position. Towels were used to prevent their faces from bruising, as laying facedown on tile is not comfortable in anyway. Luckily I never ended up there. The only time I went to any of these spots was bc I was sick. They didn’t offer much help for that, the nurse was intimidating, but she did alright by me.
At Tb we had uniforms, we had routine, we had some really caring staff who were walked on by so many ungrateful young women who passed through their care, but they stayed true. I was thankful for them, they allowed me to be judged by my character and not some clique of girls who want to se everyone else fail. So I did, and eventually my mom came to see me, and saw where I was, how I was being treated, how the conditions were, and about a month or two later I’m being told I’m going home. I just sort of zoned out, and became this programmed kid. It took me along time to break the habits that place instilled in me, it’s still an issue for me a lot of the time. Hard to swallow that not many people who survived that place are still around. I’ve found some, but many have lost the battle. I’ve learned our minds are the main thing they destroyed. I felt like shit about myself, they had made me beat it into myself. They had seminars that handled a lot of the brainwashing. I’ll never forget some of those first times I went through them. I had to start all over once I got to TB, so that made it easier. But it’s ridiculous, making you choose who your gonna kill off so you can survive? Some life boat process they called it. It allowed a lot of kids to blow up on each other, or pick apart someone for how they look, as it doesn’t appeal to them. Everyone would pick their friends, so it was kind of a waste of time. Like I would have asked what skills do you have that will help us all? But no, this was clearly head games.
They promised it to be like a resort, when it was very military school. No fun except FunDay. One day out of the year where we get to play sports and just have a good time competing in soccer, netball, basketball too. I took to jogging, as I was now down to 145lbs. Scl has similar things but it’s called spirit week and it’s modeled after some luau style party w pranks and mean competition.
Anyways, I can remember watching a lot of people leave and come back. Which I can understand, it’s tough out there. But I also feel that they never gave me any tools to cope. My parents didn’t want to talk about it, I just had to do what I could. And smoking weed was a big part of it, drugs have been an issue for me most my adult life, more than when I was a kid! Before the programs!
I had two drug induced seizures, anaphylactic shock, and many many bad hangover days. But I’m still here, I’m still pursuing happiness although it’s been troubling to find. I’ve been through many abusive boyfriends, I can’t seem to dial in much self love. But I’m trying. I’m sure one day things will start to get better but until then I’ll apply the only thing that the program taught me, “fake it til you make it” There’s no other choice but death for me. If I at all fall back or try to dabble with drugs, it goes all bad. It’s tough, I am an addict, I’ve been recovering from Heroin use for 6 years. It’s been a long hard road, but I can’t make anything good out of my life if I don’t take the wheel.
I’m lucky to have all the friends I do. I’m lucky to have found passion in music, and in performance art. The family I have from that alone has been the most supportive, helpful and caring bunch off oddballs I’ve ever been blessed to have in my life.
Now that times are moving faster, I sometimes feel out of touch with the people around me, I feel stuck in my head a lot, I’ve been worried about my hypersensitivity, although they offer treatment I’m afraid to lose it at the same time.